Честный и смешной инстаграм папы четырех девочек

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Если вас жутко раздражают идеальные до зубного скрежета фотографии в Instagram, мы вас понимаем. Все потому, что эти отфильтрованные и спланированные кадры не имеют ничего общего с реальностью. Видимо, поэтому Саймон Хупер, счастливый отец четырех девочек, решил с помощью своего аккаунта в соцсети показывать всю правду о том, как на самом деле выглядит нелегкая, но приятная родительская доля.

Результат? У Саймона уже 737 тысяч подписчиков, и это число продолжает расти. «Я хочу показать, как на самом деле выглядят семья и дети с точки зрения родителей. Потому что в соцсетях слишком много приукрашивания действительности, что касается воспитания детей. Так что я стремлюсь поделиться с другими, каково это — быть отцом на самом деле, причем не без юмора».

Старшей дочери Саймона девять лет, другой — шесть, а 10 месяцев назад у него и его жены родились близняшки.

«На этой неделе у старшей в школе начались занятия по сексуальному воспитанию. Она относится к этому вопросу мудро не по годам, ведь мама у нее по профессии акушерка, так что дочка знает о зачатии и рождении больше, чем другие дети. Итак, сегодняшний вечер (пока мамы нет) она выбрала, чтобы задать вопросы мне, как мужчине. Это заставляет меня чувствовать себя неловким ребенком, но я обещал отвечать ей на все вопросы предельно честно. Мои “любимые” вопросы: “Используешь ли ты презерватив, папа?” — “Да”. — “Тогда почему у вас так много детей?” — “Туше”».

I seem to forget to feed myself sometimes. I can get to 5pm and realise I've had nothing other than a cup of tea that's been microwaved 5 times and has a skin on it that's thicker than I feel after watching a documentary of dark matter. The twins, on the other hand, get 3 square meals a day spooned directly into their mouths. I tried crouching between them in the hope @mother_of_daughters would feed me too (FYI I don't have tiny arms) although I was rumbled by Delilah who kicked up a fuss. They have absolutely zero loyalty or compassion for me. Get between these girls & their food and you may just lose a finger. #noidonthavetinyarms #foodoverfathers #arewefeeders #theydontsharefood #nowonderimlosingweight #microwavetea #fatherofdaughters #instadad #dadlife

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После бессонной ночи.

Well that was fun. @mother_of_daughters is away with the eldest 2 so I have the twins. Delilah was up & down last night more than a yoyo who'd necked a crate of redbull. As a dad, I usually have inbuilt noise cancelling and can sleep through an thrash metal gig but last night was something else. The neighbours must have thought I was skinning cats with a wooden spoon at 3.30am — the noise was endless — the kind of noise that cuts through you & drains you of any memory of who you are or what you're doing until your brain dribbles out you ear. They seem to have forgotten the whole experience and moved on. I'll just scoop up my eye bags so they don't drag on the floor. To top it all, the car is broken so I can't get to my brother's birthday. A shocker of a day so far. #brainonthefloor #alongwiththeeyebags #brokencar #twins #comehomeplease #parenting #fatherofdaughter #dadlife #instadad

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«Близняшки уже передвигаются по дому со скоростью света и бесшумно, словно наемные убийцы. Стоит на минуту отвести от них взгляд, и они уже разбирают мой велосипед, с ног до головы покрытые цепью и маслом».

Cooking with the family is important so that they get an early interest in what healthy eating is all about. But when you add two 10 month work experience kitchen hands to the mix who have minimum training and hygiene standards that would get a greasy kebab placed closed down, Jamie Olivers 15 minutes meals turn into Simon hooper's 90 minute botch jobs. In the end you just chuck it all in and hope for the best. The likelihood is that it will get rejected by the discerning clientele anyway. Might as well just short cut the whole process and chuck the raw food directly into the bin. #masterchefiaint #sausageandchipsitis #worstworkexperienceever #ottieatearawgarlicwhole #whydowebother #fatherofdaughters #dadlife #instadad

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The twins now get everywhere at the speed of light and with the silence of a assassin who got an A* in being quiet and sneaky. I took my eye off them for 1 minute and before i knew it they were doing bare handed maintenance on my bike chain. If there's one thing @mother_of_daughters hates, its oil, and the twins were covered in it. As was the floor. And the wall and the glass doors. The torrent of language that came out mouth turned the air blue. Guess that's the last time Im allowed to keep my bike inside. I'll be relegated to the shed with my bike tonight (after bathing the twins in swarfega). Tarpaulin Duvet anyone? #oilalwaysgetsmeintrouble #alot #ninjatwins #ifeeladivorcecomingon #twins #swarfegasavestheday #shedbound #fatherofdaughters #dadlife #instadad

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«Готовим с семьей обед».

Should I get offended that when I'm in charge of dressing the girls, instead of being given free rein to 'get creative' and use my couture fashion eye to create a 'wow' outfit that will catch the eye and imagination, I walk into their room and find that all the clothes are laid out already. Granted I have a tendency to dress them as boys, and will invariably forget the importance of layers, and that spots and strips clash, and that socks are essential, and that a baby grow doesn't count as day wear, and that I dress them the same, i cant tell them apart for the rest if the day, but surely if you give me a chance, the law of averages will mean I'll get it right one day! #daddressing #twins #dontdressthemthesame #theylovechewingshoes #icandressachild #badly #fatherofdaughters #dadlife #instadad

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«Сегодня празднуем. Наша мама написала книгу, и сегодня ее запустили на Amazon».

Tonight we're celebrating. @mother_of_daughters has her book out for pre-order on amazon and she deserves for it to be a massive success. She worked her ass off for a year while lugging around twins and holding down a full on job as a midwife. She was chained to that laptop for days and nights but came out the other side with something that women will both need and enjoy. So how are we celebrating? Champagne and looking at Rightmove. Weird how she's starts at the top of the budget and I start at the bottom. Says a lot about doesn't it?! Link her bio to pre-order. Go do it! #whyamisotightfisted #mywifethepublishedauthor #shesamazing #champagne #celebrating #rightmovegame #fatherofdaughters #dadlife #instadad

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«Все мужчины умеют спать на 20-сантиметровом кусочке кровати или только я?»

Tomorrow is international day of the girl and I, more than most, am celebrating. I might be heavily outnumbered and outgunned, but I'm celebrating because my girls are strong independent young ladies that are growing up in a world that they can do anything they put their mind to (with a little encouragement). We strive for equality and see women as equals (and in my case, as superiors!). That said, in many places girls are seen as second class citizens and have limited opportunities to reach their full potential. This has to change. Go kiss your girls goodnight & encourage them everyday to reach for the stars. Tag a strong girl and share. #mygirlswearthetrousers #daughters #dayofthegirl #girlsareequals #girlsarestrong #sisters #mygirls #girlsareamazing #beproudofyoudaughters #fatherofdaughters #instadad #dadlife

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Is it only me or do all men learn to sleep on an 8 inch strip at the edge of the bed? Irrespective of the size of the bed, or how many people are in it, I always find myself relegated to the 'man zone'. I've become so used to sleeping on this limited area of bed real estate, that I'm confident that I could sleep on top of a wall & not fall off. On the other side of the bed (the promised land), @mother_of_daughters sleeps like a star fish all night long, kneeing me in the back and generally complains about me coming to bed too late, being too cold or my foot encroaching onto her territory. At least the bed's nice and warm, even if the reception isn't sometimes! I hope that next Sunday, on #NationalLieInDay, I'll not only gain another hour in bed, but more space — but it's doubtful ! If you want to regain that hour (and some space for that matter) click in the link in my bio, loads of great prizes to be won @SimbaSleep #bedrealestate #livingontheedge #girls #twins #daughters #therestoomanygirls #fatherofdaughters #dadlife #instadad #gopro

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Время купания.

Why does bathtime always involve cramming as many family members into one of the smallest rooms in the house at the same time? I guess the eldest 2 like it as it's like a cheap version of the sea life centre. They get to watch these weird pink slippery things splash about and generally contort themselves out of these chairs while sucking the life out of some sponges. Clemmie and I are there just play life guards and crowd control. I should charge admission. Just avoid the dirty nappies at the door and the water EVERYWHERE. Actually, forget it — Health and safety would definitely shut us done. #waterstaysinthebathgirls #bathtime #sealifecentreathome #cheapentertainment #twins #mygirls #theyneverstayinthesechairs #fatherofdaughters #dadlife #instadad

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«Мне сказали: “Иди собери детскую сумку”. Готово».

Life with 4 daughters is never what you'd call quiet or relaxed. Infact living in a house full of drunken long distance lorry drivers and builders who have strong opinons about the world would still be quieter. As a guy I'll never quite understand why emotions have to run in the red all the time and why shouting has replaced normal speaking voices. That said there are those moments when the planets align and the world suddenly goes still and for those few seconds when they are all nice to eachother and we're all laughing, you realise why your family life is so great. Remember these moments. Go and enjoy your family. Thanks to @philippajames for capturing a moment. #happytuesday #yesimstereotyping #imsurelorrydriversarelovely #thisisararemoment #family time #fatherofdaughters #instadad #parenting #dadlife

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These two have been round my ankles all day, literally. I've been walking around as if there's broken glass on the floor to avoid stepping on them (no one wants to hear that cry you get when you accidentally tread on a small hand that's not where it should be — that's the point when you give yourself the 'shittest parent of the day' award). At least they do a good job of cleaning the floors, I should put Polish down and strap a rag to their stomachs. Might as well get them to pull their weight from an early age. FYI the tiles are from best tile UK. Encaustic Moroccan cement tiles. #itsnotchildlaboriftheyreyourkidsright #humanfloorcleaners #theyarecutethough #twins #stillcanttellthemapart #daywithdaddy #fatherofdaughters #instadad #dadlife

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Clemmie gave me a pretty simple job this evening — "go pack the baby bag" (we're going away for a night). A plan developed in my head (why can't I take anything seriously?!) I called her in — "well you said pack the baby bag!!", expecting a laugh. She didn't. I then suggested cutting holes in the bottom for their legs to hang out like those dog carriers but @mother_of_daughters was already less than pleased that i'd used her prized leather @kerikitbags for lols, so with my tail between my legs, I repacked. A shed load of nappies, baby crack (milk powder), toys they won't play with & a monitor — There was still enough room for half my family in there! #bottomlessbabybag #mobiletwins #howmuchstuffdobabiesneed #fatherofdaughters #dadlife #instadad

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